She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
