Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
