There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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