Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
