White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We left the knife in your bed.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
