I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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