life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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