I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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