sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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