Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
should my penis look like a turkey
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
