Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
