i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
