she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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