I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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