Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
this just has baby written all over it
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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