tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
