Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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