Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
