Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize