I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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