currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
sex in a hospital.. check
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
