Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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