Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
