Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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