So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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