He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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