which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
