the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
