Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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