I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
