Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
