I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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