I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You took a bar mat shot.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
