Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
