My pussy is not your playground.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
