you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
