Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
