omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
