She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
