You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
