you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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