Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My vagina is very pro this idea
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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