So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
