well you can't waste a boner
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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