Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
