Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
