Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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