When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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