it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
