He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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