Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
