He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
