Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize