get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's shark week go big or go home
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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