I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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