My hand turned me down
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
