Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
