I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
