I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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