Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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