she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
