Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
