No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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