Can i not drive my cunt home
there's paper in my vomit.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This baby is an asshole
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
