my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize