He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
