Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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