I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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