The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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