Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
