if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you would pick up someone in the library
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
